Meeting Mr. Right

The stars came out in Manhattan on Saturday as the annual von Klapp Holiday Party took place in my parents' Upper West Side apartment. Here are some juicy tidbits:

What actress ditched the premiere of her new film in order to attend our party?

What actor attempted to convince my dowdy sister Lunesta to convert to Scientology?

I'll never tell....

Linus, my agent, arrived around 10:00pm with news that I might be up for a part in a fast food commercial. Fast food? Is this some kind of homage to Paris Hilton's hamburger commercial a few years ago? I was not pleased!

Around 11:30pm, a drunken Lunesta stumbled into the living room to see if "Saturday Night Live" was live or a repeat (to which I replied, "There's a writers strike, you drunken whore!"). Just then, I looked over the fondue pot and saw HIM. Tall, dark wavy hair, almond shaped dreamy eyes, pillowy soft lips... Standing on the other side of the fondue pot was Mr. Right! I felt flush as I tried to see who he was with. Was he with a date? Was his date prettier than me? My father approached him and they began talking. Did he work for my father's adult diaper incontinence product manufacturing company? I had to know! I had to know! I walked over to where they were and waited for my father to introduce us. When my father finally got around to introducing us, he simply said “Meet my daughter Cymbalta.” Mr. Right said to him, "Basil you never told me you had such a beautiful daughter." He called me beautiful! In what will go down in history as the worst timing ever, Lunesta ran past us, hand over mouth, in search of a bathroom to vomit in. When everyone stepped aside and out of Lunesta’s path, Mr. Right was gone. And neither he nor my father said his name. My parents were occupied playing the perfect host and hostess for the rest of the night, and when I called them on Sunday afternoon to ask my father who Mr. Right was, he said that there were so many people at the party he had no idea who I was talking about!

My New Years resolution: Find Mr. Right!!!